I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
