@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
