i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
