just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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