you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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