dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
