All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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