Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
