do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
