dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
