I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We had to coat check the pizza.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
