I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
