just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize