Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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