This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
