You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
