i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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