I think I won the penis lottery.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
