How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
