Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
