so let's talk penis.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
