I got chris browned last night
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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