Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Randomize
