Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
