The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
