i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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