Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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