Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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