Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
