Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I want to be your penis for a week.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
