ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You don't make any sense
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