I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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