I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
