dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
