Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's shark week go big or go home
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
