The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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