Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
