Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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