yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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