Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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