Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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