I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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