it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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