Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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