hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
