So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
