I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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