apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
