Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
operation harelip BJ is a go
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
