I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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