I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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