I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
