i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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