Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
