hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
