you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
