Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
