I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
