My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
