I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
