Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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