Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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