swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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