I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
