Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
