So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
