He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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