My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
