He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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