My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
